Sunday, 17 October 2010
3:27:00 am
Hello,salam. I was awake hours ago. Quite early. And I did feel good remembering few things. That was a nice initial start. But now, the good sense is fading. Haaa. I wonder whether I indeed have some sort of personality disorders. Is there such thing as emotion disorder? Sigh. I love it when I feel happy and giddy like nobody's business. Lol. Who doesn't?
Okay, okay. Now i'm quite certain that I have emotion disorders. I am now smiling. Tehee. Scarry much. Hehe. A simple text just got me smiling just now. It is not special. Not from anyone special yet it makes me feel good out of sudden? :p see, it is not difficult to make me happy. Or to get me smiling. Not a hard job buddy. Lol. Easy to please. But then, it's easy for me to get upset. Well not all the times. It only gets worse when it comes to people whom I feel more deeply? This includes family,friends and..well him :)
If I am given the chance to turn back time would I take it? Well, I would have said yes,usually. I indeed wished a lot that I could go back and change few few things. But then to think about it now..there are nothing much I'd change. I've learnt not to live in the past and get move on with life. Again, to dwell into the past is completely useless. Pasts are memories. And perhaps lessons? Lol. I used to regret knowing some people and to make some decisions and now I see that those unfortunates are reminders and experiences? Alright I'm mumbling. :)
There are few things that bothering my mind actually but I just do not know how to put them in words and blurt it out here. I pretty want to say it now and i think its gonna be a way 'random'. First of all, I don't know for real but I just feel like I'm a...er bad person or selfish? I know I'm not the bestest person, daughter, sister or friend. But I care. Sigh. I've practiced this do-not-get-attached-easily quite well that I somehow feel like i accidentally practice it on my family? I am rarely at home and I do things on my own. I'm not saying I'm independant. No. I'm not. I still rely a lot on my mum. I'm saying this crap because..well, i feel quite bad and somehow sad that I feel a person points this out to me. I prefer it to be direct and not through sarcasm or comparison. Some sarcasm I don't really mind and would do my best to ignore them tho dey do feel ouch. But making me feel like a unreliable family member that is quite..suck..i'm not mad. No i'm not. It just got me thinking and it makes me feel suck..
Another thing I'd like to clarify is..before pointing our fingers on other misbehaviour,change or anything.. We should at least reflect ourselves first. If a person suddenly keeping a distance,for me, I would think that I might have done wrongly to him or her,might have said offensive things to them instead of jumping to conclusion that person doesn't want to be around with me anymore. :)
Alright. I think I talked a lot already. I better stop before I go on talking bout unappropriate things that might upset people. I wanna get up and watch tv or something. :)
Have a good day people.
