Saturday 28 August 2010
3:11:00 pm
Salam and hi peeps, I am blogging again. hehe. I guess blogging does help in some particular ways. lol. I am not even half way and I already talk nonsense. lo'ol. ;) Okay, I am quite tired and I wanna watch some dvds I just bought yesterday so I will do my best to keep this post straight forward and quite brief? err, I hope so :)
Alright, first of all, I want to blog about surprise birthday gathering on last Tues, 24th August, Silah's birthday. Bobeh made a surprise plan for her beloved Juliet and I technically had a wonderful time on that night. Well, we all did. A night full of laughter. Seriously, when was the last time I had a good laugh with my school mates? That felt like ages ago. lol. It was truly endearing to meet some of the Sci1 Utd girls. Fadhil, Mirus and Nadz were there too. And Mayyer's boyfriend jua :) We went home pretty much late that night. I initially planned to stay only up to 9ish PM but I only got home at 11 ish? So much of worrying bout Anatomy test on the next day. Oh yeah, before I forget, I seriously dislike that Doctor teaching us this particular subject. She's...urghh. No offence. lol.
Next..ummmm, cohort 3 had Sungkai session yesterday. Celebrated Cat's belated birthday tarus. Dr Sam and her family joined us. And yes, we had a good time indeed. I was hyper. like totally hyper and yes it was weird. They kept on asking me whether I am truly okay or not. Well, I could have kept the act if I didn't break down for few moments last night.
sighh. Anyhow, I am really thankful to them for not judging me
*if they do they at least kept it to themselves very well* and making me laugh. Especially Syam :) Seriously, he is a brother I can never have. Okay, back to agenda. lol. We spent some quality time at the Arcade and at around 10 Nab, Ida and me went to check in for a night. We initally went to Rest House at the Bandar area? Anddd gosh, that place sucks and seriously...errr..scary. pretty much like a forbidden place? yeah, it is. We ended up staying at De Gallery hotel at Batu Satu. It is cheap and really nice. we are so going to check in there lagi nanti! hehe. Oh yeah, i forgot to mention, I went for shopping with my family before I got picked up at 130ish yesterday andddd I bought 5 clothes? Err I am not gonna buy any more clothes. I need to save up, It is raya and raya means extra spending? lol. Anyway, positive side, those clothes aren't so expensive. HEHE.
Today I went to Limbang with Ida, Nab and Syam. and I wasn't feeling so energetic honestly. Didn't really talk much. I even fell asleep during hair rebonding. pfft. Ngaleh jua sudah tu. lol. I didn't buy much at Limbang. I bought like Beras? lol. And some crackers for Raya. and still I got RM 40ish in my wallet. I'd just keep it for my next trip to Miri with Usu :) All of us were exhausted that we actually had a good nap in the boat on our way home. Nasib boat nya comfy wa. lol. My mum picked me up at Tambing and we went to Gadong for Sungkai :) We initially wanted to watch a movie. I actually bought the tickets already but then my sister got really sick so I got the ticket refund in the end. I don't really mind though. the movies aren't so good I think? yeah.
Umm,next sungkai would be with the girls. HEHE. on the 5th i'm sure. Bowling den sungkai. I'm in. Then then next sungkai part 2 at cappers restaurant with C3? wait, didn't i say during d first few days of Ramadhan dat I won't have buffet thingy? RIGHT. But then this is quite better than last year jua. Lol. Okay, I'm mumbling now ;)
Okay, next.... Ummmmmm, okay, at this very moment, I feel quite okay and I really want to keep this feeling or aura. I'm listening to MP3s and yeah, songs do somehow improve my mood :) there are times i feel so defeated. I know i keep on saying this repetitively. I think for now I am gonna give up telling myself things like 'I am strong', 'I can do this' and blabla. I'd just go with the flow. As I said, I am not giving up but I might as well am doing so bit by bit...I just don't know what to do. I'm not truly lost. Again, I really think 'defeated' is the best term to describe it
Alright, I think I have talked quite a lot. Goodnight. Salam and have a good weekend tomorrow everyone :)
Im sleepy. Dvd cancel? Toink.
Tuesday 24 August 2010
6:38:00 am
Okay, it seems like I no longer belong to blogging world. I have been thinking to update my blog recently and only now I kind of push myself to do this? lol. Anyway, first of all, I know it is in the middle of Ramadhan already, but yeah,
Selamat Menunaikan Ibadah Puasa to every Muslims in this entire world. Umm, what else... There are things I wanna express here but I am not quite sure how to begin it. Like blog is an alternative 'place' to spill things out right? Few days before Ramadhan I kinda put a set in mind to practice some sort of self meditation during the Ramadhan? I'm not doing that for fun and I know some people might think why would I have to make such a fuss on this meditation thingy. I mean, Ramadhan is the month where everyone
generally be good and avoid making any sins? Physically and emotionally? A duration to cleanse the internal and external of our mind and soul? heart? Okay, I think I've mentioned enough. lol
Reasons behind the self meditation thingy? Umm, how do I say this. Okay, technically it just occurs to me that things don't always go or stay the way we want it or
the way we imagine it to be? I have this assumption or shall I say belief, that when I have beautiful pictures of future of something, they are not going to take place eventually? Like I get excited and all giddy because of the things that I wish and think would happen but in the end I got myself down to the drain? Certain people say that I am being way too negative. I am a negative thinker. okay, i admit that. but seriously, I just so detest the feeling of taking certain things for granted and in the end they eat me, bit by bit. So, yeah, better be prepared. I'm not strong, not that strong. Though I know I've been through the worst but still, they do not make me that powerful or strong. They just after all, make me be careful? we learn from experience and learn not to do the same mistakes?
Okay, I feel like I pretty much mumble.
sigghhh. Honestly, I am not quite sure what am I really feeling at the moment. I was not really okay weeks ago. I went through a phase where I ashamedly admit, being totally weak and helpless? powerless. and yeah, those moments were totally sucks. anyway, i needed to get up. so yeah. i'll do my best to be okay. insya Allah. no one is gonna truly help me if I don't sort myself out. im sure every cloud has its own silver lining and things just happened. I just need to go with the flow. things happen for reasons. im not giving up, not really i'd say but i just don't think i own the power to make things go the way i want. so, i'd expect less and less, get myself prepared for the worst and try to care less. i defeat.
So for now, Im gonna stick with this self meditation thingy till i am entirely okay. i should know by now not to take anyone or anything for granted. and never ever be sure that things gonna stay the same in the future. i should learn my lesson now.
I am not mad, i am not. I just feel seriously defeated and helpless. And i just want to be okay. And i think insya Allah I am getting better by day. Keeping everything to ourselves is proven not a good idea. i love my mom, my family and my dear fellows who give me reasons to laugh and be okay. :) It is just good to laugh merrily and sincerely. it is one of the right ways to take our mind off things.
Okay, enough spilling out. I am looking forward for this coming weekend. I really think I'd manage to take my mind off certain things better during this coming weekend. Frankly speaking, I pretty much appreciate company these days. I am craving for things to do and places to go. :) Cohort 3 family, I'd surely be bored during the semester break *
sighh.
Just a piece of reminder to myself, do not think about those who can't be there for us, think about those other who love and appreciate us better :)
Salam, happy fasting, have a good Ramadhan :)
